So, I was down't chippy t'other day and there was this woman outside. She was nattering away to herself and chucking chips at people. But did I judge her? Nah, course not. I figured she must've been a bit poorly in the head. Poor lass.

But then, out of bloody nowhere, this group of black teenagers burst onto the scene. And let me tell you, one of 'em had a noggin the size of a bloody boulder. I reckon he's got some serious insecurity issues, 'cause he was all up in this woman's face, giving her a real hard time.

And then...THEN...he bloody well smacked her in the gob! Like, proper punched her. I've never seen anything like it. I was fuming. This woman was clearly vulnerable and this lad was acting like a right twat.

So I did what any good Samaritan would do. I marched over to him and gave him a right good talking to. Told him he should be ashamed of himself, the daft sod. But then...oh lordy...his mates started getting all lippy with me. And one of 'em, I swear flashed a bloody knife. I wasn't sticking around for that, no sir.

But before I scarpered, I grabbed a bottle of ketchup from the chippy and squirted it all over 'em. It felt bloody brilliant, I won't lie. I hope they had to go home and explain to their mums why they were covered in tomato sauce.

Anyway, moral of the story is, don't mess with me. And if you see a vulnerable person getting a hard time, stand up for 'em. And if all else fails, chuck condiments at the bullies. It's a tried and tested method, believe me. Now all joking aside these thugs could of killed me so I would not suggest doing any of this.